“The feeling”

(Tue, 25^th November, 10:06 Oslo Airport - a part of my journal)

 “The feeling” (a phrase what I've often used in my writings) means shortly that a lot of good things are happening around me or to me. It’s a reference to a happy place full of excitement and joy. I get “the feeling” once in a while. My body and brains feel like they are about to explode and I want to laugh and cry at the same time. What I’ve learned is that you can get “the feeling” almost everywhere and any time. With good friends, new places and moments, family, hobbies. I mean, everywhere. Usually “the feeling” happens to me while travelling. It should be easy to explain what really happens in my whole body and brains when they realize I’ve just experienced something so amazing, emotional and beautiful. Let me tell you one example. I escaped from Finland’s cold winter almost exactly one year ago to South-East Asia. Alone. As any other 19 year old girl would have waited from this trip (partying, beach fun, friends etc) happened to me too.. but something else as well. I went to places where imagination is only a foolish tool, did crazy stuff as drove motorbikes to sunrises at the top on the mountains. Shared a hammock and hugs at the remote waterfall in the middle of jungle. Meditated with an old monk under the full moon. I would have never, ever thought it would be my time to do something like this. Those 4,5 months changed me and “the feeling” repeated itself almost every day. When doing something like this it’s hard to come home and go back to the old cycle of work, sleep, work, sleep. But continuing life as mine was for a while could it be also harmless? Living the dream every day? Is that even possible in this world of ours? I stopped once in a while to open my eyes wide open and scan the view, yes, I’m really lying on a snow white beach and in front of me there’s clear turquoise sea and no one else around. That’s one other example of “the feeling”. Saying out loud that this is still reality and not a daydream. How many times you've woken up from your own bed and just for a moment thought that the dream still exists and you've woken up inside the dream? Weird? Well I can say I've felt like that many times on my travels. There was nothing more than a fine line between dreams and reality. If you could live that way would you choose it? Or would you feel safer doing what you do now at home, knowing that this stays and doesn't probably fade away?

When I’m not travelling I feel sometimes like we’re nothing more than strangers. Standing out is hard and you need “something special” to do so. You are hardly considered free as a flying bird but when you get that chance to be one, it’s damn hard to get back into the "normal life".

As my dad calls me "bird" or "birdy" in Finnish I consider myself at this very moment as a bird. Not sure which kind, those female birds are always gray and boringly colored. I’m not a male for sure, but I could say I would like to be those red wine colored birds with a bit of turquoise and black in their beautiful soft feathers. As I'm flying now freely to the unknown the only thing is that I need to stay truthful to myself. Do what I love. What others think, well I’m trying to put that on the side nowadays. What matters the most is your self-confidence and to keep it high is not an easy journey full of upside downs, talking about my life in sort of ways. Building the way you see yourself slaps you at your face once in a while but when you’re on the high point you can do almost anything. Literally. 

I’ve always been a little bit shy, usually when it comes to making new friends. I’ve been ok at social situations not providing any major awkward moments (well I’m not telling you about them for sure!) and growing as an only child for past 16 years I’ve managed to build a safe place to be just on my own. It has never been a problem to live alone, I enjoy it so much. While travelling long-term and solo without friends or family I don’t have to push myself to the limits of socialism and be “my talkative self” like in Finland most of the time. It comes naturally and actually being in a new environment and standing on the top of an exciting foreign soil gives boost to my persona. I can’t count with my fingers and toes those many beautiful souls I met on my last trip or at all those previous adventures. Being able to call people you have just met in a strange place your “family” makes travelling more meaningful and amazing experience. I’ve said this before, but “While travelling alone you’re never really alone” or lonely I’ve to add. I felt lonely just for those days while I was lying in a hospital bed suffering from dengue fever. At least I was in so bad shape I couldn’t even cry or worry more because that would have just made my condition worse. I survived and left stronger to continue achieving bigger mountains and smaller roads ending up touching the clouds.

I’m always craving more, it’s hard to keep my butt on the chair (at least I try my best atm) because I feel I need to take the next shot of travel elixir. Well, if you haven’t still got it, I’m just making my way through this two day journey through Oslo and Florida to my first destination of Central America.. wait for it.. Guatemala!! And I’m scared! But it’s a good fear. Because I’m thrilled and soon it’s time for “the feeling” again. Can’t wait! I will keep you hanging with me while I step to that exotic world of Mayan history, beautiful people, amazing fabrics and everything else that I still can't even imagine. And of course explain why I chose Central America and much more so keep following my adventures!